Hearing Families

Parents often feel frustrated and even exasperated when their child with hearing loss behaves in an immature or inappropriate way. Most children easily figure out how to press their parents’ buttons and can just set us off sometimes. Parents have called me at such a point of stress that they are frantic, even hysterical about their child’s behavior. As a parent, I have felt first hand how aggravating a misbehaving or uncooperative child can be (note: in my home misbehaving and lack of cooperation are equal-opportunity: hearing loss and hearing!!). When we are wound up, it is hard to think straight enough to strategize about how we can influence our child’s behavior and try to help make change.

When we calm down though, we realize that change does not come overnight and without a plan. If we model a behavior plan after an IEP  - it will give us some guidance. Deciding that “this child is not behaving how I want” is not going to guide an improvement. We need to define the issue, discuss what triggers or exacerbates the issue, what helps the issue, decide how to try to change the issue and then give it some time to see if our plan works.

Define the issue. “my child is immature” may be true, but it is not defined specifically enough to improve things. Try to tease “immature” apart – when does immature behavior happen? What was the last time you felt your child acting immature? What happened in that situation? Is that a priority issue for you? What is the highest priority issue? Is this where you want to start? Is this the most urgent thing to change?

What makes it worse? Think about the times when your child had this problematic behavior: what was going on around her? Big red flags for many children include: hunger, tiredness, feeling confused about the situation, or overwhelmed by the noise/commotion.

What makes it better? Can you recall a time when there was almost an outburst or problematic behavior and it didn’t go so badly? What have you already tried?

Make a plan – keep a record and make a time deadline. I can’t imagine a way to change “immature” overnight. But you can take your starting issue, create a strategy to make a change, and give it 4 or 6 weeks to see if your strategy works. Write down each time this situation occurs, note what was unique each time. Make a date when you will sit down and evaluate the progress of this issue.

Work together with teachers, therapists or other important adults. Take advantage of your natural allies – these people can help your child together with you. Explain your plan to them. Get their feedback on your child’s behavior at school, day care, or other setting when you are not there. Include them in your strategy and present a united front.

Evaluate, tweak, and celebrate! If it worked, if there is even a little bit of progress: reward your child and yourselves! Everyone feels good when their efforts are appreciated – in parenting you need to celebrate your own accomplishments! Pat yourself of the back!

If you would like to work together with me on an emotional issue or behavioral problem, drop me a note Efrat@hearingfamilies.com and lets see what we can come up with together!

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

Tags: behavioral problems, cooperation between parents and teachers, coping with stress, deaf, hearing loss, negotiating, parenting, realistic expectations, social and emotional development