Hearing Families

Gina was starting Pre-K at the local elementary school in a week and suddenly started crying for no obvious reason. When her parents reminded her about her new “promotion” to the school for big kids, after 2 years in a small home day-care, she said that she didn’t want to go. She HAD been so excited earlier in the summer – telling everyone about how she was going to Miss Mary’s class in the big kids’ school. Now, as the first day approached, she looked less enthusiastic!

First-day-of-school jitters are a memory that many parents can remember and are very understandable reactions to the anxiety of big transitions. There are a few ways that parents can help make this emotional time be a successful experience.

Remind yourself: your job as parents is not to make all of the anxiety and emotionality of transitions to new schools and new grades disappear – this is impossible and not really ultimately not what your child needs. Your child’s emotional reactions are natural, normal responses to the changes in your child’s life. Your job is to teach your child how to cope and react to these changes in a healthy way.

Try to keep the rest of life as stable as possible. Don’t make any other drastic changes now. Keep everyone in their same bed, same room, if at all possible. For preschoolers: this is not the time to expect a lot in toilet training or giving up a bottle.

A week ahead of time, make sure the kids are getting to bed at a realistic school-schedule bedtime and wake them up at their school wake-up time. Yes, I know how tired you feel, but it will be worth the effort in the long-run. Kids (and parents!) who are too tired to function, can’t handle challenging situations the best they can if they are rested and at the top of their game. You may need to be the bad-guy who turns down invitations for end-of-the-summer BBQs and pool parties, but that is how it goes sometimes, trying to take good care of small or even school-aged children.

It is especially important to younger children to make this unknown new situation feel as concrete and predictable as you can. Let your child set out three shirts for the first three days of school so that your child knows that on the first day – its red, the second its dinosaurs and the third its stripes (they can be new purchases, but they don’t have to be). Make a lunch/snack plan of what you will send along with your child to eat. For pre-readers, you can draw a picture of a sandwich, apple, and a drink box/sippy cup. Anything that makes your child feel prepared is helpful.

Often there is a “meet the teachers” visit to school before the first day of school. Make sure to attend this important event! Show your child where she will come in, sit down, eat lunch, have circle time. Bring a camera and take pictures of the teacher, the classroom, the bathroom, whatever you can. Then you can show your child the photos and discuss and remember the teacher’s name, where the bathroom is, where your child’s cubby is going to be.

When you come for the “meet the teachers” event at school, bring along your child’s Ziploc bag or box with her hearing aid or cochlear implant batteries. Make sure it is well marked with your child’s name and tape your child’s photo on to it so even a pre-reader will be able to tell that it is hers. Discuss with the teacher where you will keep it and let your child help put it away so she will know where it is kept in case she needs it.

Talk about starting school. Here is where you teach your child such an important lesson for life: we talk about things to prepare and comfort ourselves. You can be a role model by talking about how you felt nervous when you started school too. Use books to help you talk about this. There are many good books for children on this subject: ask your librarian to recommend a couple and read them over and over and use them as a springboard for your discussions about your child’s new school.

It is important for a child to know who she can turn to if she has a problem. Parents are often worried about mentioning problems, thinking that they don’t want their child to plan to have problems. But it can be very reassuring to a child to know that when their mom and dad are not there, there is another responsible and caring adult whose job it is to help the children if they need assistance. Tell your child that if she has a problem, feels sad, loses something, or gets pushed down, she should tell Miss Mary or whomever else and she will help out.

Remind your child that she will enjoy school, will make new friends, and will learn interesting things. Reassure her that she will get used to the new teacher, classroom, and group of friends quickly and will have a wonderful time there. Remind yourself of this too, so even if there are some tears at the beginning, you can keep a big smile and seem confident when you encourage your child that she will have a good time in school.

Good luck to all of us at our big first days and the all the little days after that! I hope it will be a great year for all of us!

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Tags: children, cochlear implant, cooperation between parents and teachers, coping with stress, deaf, hearing aids, hearing loss, listening to your child, positive outlook, school, starting new school year, talking to your child, teachers