Hearing Families

Dorothy and Richard lived nearby their son and daughter-in-law and cherished their close relationship with their 4-year-old granddaughter Sophie. When the new baby Jordan arrived they were thrilled to be able to see their grandson grow up from day one! He looked perfect, with ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. But right away something was wrong – he failed the hearing screen given in the newborn nursery.

Dorothy and Richard knew older friends who used hearing aids but they had never encountered anyone under 65 with a hearing loss! Their son and daughter-in-law were immediately wrapped up in hearing tests and consulting with professionals. Dorothy and Richard had a hard time believing that this beautiful baby could have a disability, after all – he looked just fine. They wanted to have a close relationship with their new grandson like they had with Sophie and now they were very worried that would never happen.

Dorothy and Richard were very careful to try to respect the boundaries of their son’s young family. Especially since they lived so close, they did not want to intrude when they were not wanted. They were not sure how to handle their concern for Jordan and their confusion about hearing loss.

I encouraged them to read a bit to get some background. They discovered that hearing loss is the most common disability, affecting 2-3 out of every 1000 babies born. Its not just senior citizens – but infants, children, and adolescents. They also learned about the advances in technology, like digital hearing aids, cochlear implants, and personal FM systems. They also found out about advances in speech therapy and AV (auditory-verbal) therapy.

They decided to ask a few questions, explaining to their son and daughter-in-law that they were concerned about Jordan and curious to know what was going on. Their son explained that Jordan had a severe-to-profound hearing loss and they were going to fit him with hearing aids and were looking into a cochlear implant.

I reminded them that as grandparents, they should express concern and interest but they SHOULD NOT give advice or their opinions unless their son and daughter-in-law asked.  Jordan’s parents had to make the best decisions on Jordan’s behalf. That is pretty confusing since there is so much information that is sometimes conflicting out there. It is not helpful to second-guess the parents’ decisions.

Dorothy and Richard realized that they could be helpful in a way that they knew their son and daughter-in-law appreciated – they could offer to watch Sophie when her parents needed to go to ENT and audiology appointments and speech therapy sessions with Jordan. They gave her extra love and attention during this hectic time.

Their son and daughter-in-law were getting worn out from the exhaustion of caring for a new baby and a pre-schooler and the stress of the new needs of a child with hearing loss. Dorothy and Richard offered to watch the children for a few hours on Sunday so that their son and daughter-in-law could catch up on things they needed to do or go out for a well-deserved break with each other.

The support of grandparents can be so important to a family struggling with the beginning stages of adjusting to a hearing loss and the tumult of doctors visits and therapy appointments. During this time, the feeling that there are people to lean on can be very reassuring. This is a new and challenging situation for everyone in the family and recognizing that is helpful. Grandparents can tell their children that they are happy to help in whatever way will be most useful to the children.

Dorothy and Richard still felt uneasy about how to interact with Jordan. Talking to Sophie and playing with her came so naturally to them, they worried about how they would communicate with Jordan. He now was just 4 months old and had hearing aids that seemed to make him look so different than they remembered Sophie at this age.

People young and young-at-heart can feel uncomfortable with something new and different. Many people have never met an infant or child with hearing aids. But remember – hearing aids just help you hear better, many grandparents wear glasses which do the exact same thing for their eyes! Remind yourself that this is a person in between the ears too – get to know that unique and wonderful child!

Talk to the infant with hearing loss as you would a normal baby. Don’t scream too loud, that doesn’t help. DO talk to the baby slowly and clearly, repeating words, in a happy, cheerful and animated voice as you do naturally when you talk to a baby. Read simple baby books with bright and clear pictures or funny rhymes. Make sounds and comment on them – you can buy children’s musical instruments or make noise with things you have around the house.

As time went on Dorothy and Richard got used to the idea of hearing aids and they stopped noticing them much. They found themselves enjoying watching Jordan’s crawling and exploration and grew to love his funny, happy personality. They continued to try to be helpful to their son and daughter-in-law when they could. They told their friends about what they had learned and reassured their friends that hearing aids are not for old folks anymore.

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Tags: deaf, diagnosis, grandparents, hearing aids, hearing loss, infant, newborn hearing screening